Ever wondered why it appears as if successful women have difficulties with finding love? These are some reasons why;
Independence and Comfort. Successful women tend to dwell in their comfort zone, after all, she created it. As a newly-wed, I remember how hard it was for me to move into the place my husband had gotten for us. You see, earlier in the year before we got married, I had gotten my space very comfortable. A new inverter was installed, air conditioner was in great working condition and finally, I was living out of my dresser and not my box. And then there comes an invitation to leave it all, leave my comfort zone for the unknown.
However, as successful women we need to be ready to step out of our comfort zone every now and then. Men do it all the time – they are comfortable hanging out with their friends and managing their own space, yet they still take that step and ask a girl to marry them, knowing she will come into their personal space and turn things around. New rules are commissioned – he will have to be back home at a certain time, he will have to start putting his clothes in a neat pile and many more. Yet they take this step.
Successful women, we need to be able to take a step back and say, “Hey, I’m comfortable but I’m willing to be a little uncomfortable for this person.”
The Time Factor. Successful women have a million things to do. We’re trying to get that schmoney and make an impact. There’s barely time to get into relationship, talk less of maintaining one. The time others spend on hangouts may be unavailable to her because there’s a deadline she needs to meet for her company to get that deal. In this case, you need to schedule and prioritize love in your life. Treat it like you treat a board meeting, put it in your calendar and do not cancel it. Sounds weird but it needs to be penciled down if you simply don’t have the time. Create the time.
Never Settle. I don’t like this word because I don’t believe in settling for less in the general sense. However, in this context, it means tolerating someone’s bad habits as you take in the good. We are human, each of us with our imperfections. If he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, that’s not enough reason to conclude, “This can’t work, I can’t deal, I know what I want because I’m a strong woman and I need a man that is perfect for me’. Note – perfect for me doesn’t equate perfect human being. Realize that you have baggage that you want someone else to understand and tolerate. Stop jumping ship after one argument with the idea that you cannot settle for less.
Check list. This all ties around having a long list of qualities he should have. Some people’s check list is comparable to their market shopping list. He should be from a wealthy home, have his own house, have at least 5 cars, built and hot, etc. If you find a guy that checks every box on your list, great! But how many things on his list do you check? What exactly are you bringing to the table? A man that is that much of catch also wants a catch as well.
According to research, we all want someone that’s AT MOST two points away from us in any quality. Don’t differ by more than 2. So if you’re an 8 in looks, you can’t be caught dead with a 5. He would, last last, be a 6, and better yet, a 10 (if 10s do exist). We want equality. Men who are successful are more accommodating, however, successful woman are only looking for a guy with a higher number than her. Sometimes there’s a tendency to focus on the matching success levels so please bring more that success to the table. Bring a good attitude, caring nature and more.
Don’t need a man. Of course in essence, a woman doesn’t need a man and a man doesn’t need a woman. I mean, both will eat, sleep and survive without the other. However, we want each other. People come together for different reasons. You may simply want a life partner – someone that cares if you had time to eat during the day, someone to care for you when you are sick, someone you can call for trivial things like when you stub your toe.
Hyperactive Intimidation-radar. We have all heard it whispered as a warning to successful women – Men will be intimidated by you, you are so strong/successful. And sometimes this is true, other times it’s not. It’s good to recognize when a man feels this way or not – it is then your choice to act as you please. However sometimes this intimidation-radar is hyperactive, picking out intimidation acts even where there’s none. It’s almost like you start to expect the intimidation, you start to look out for it because you’ve been told by numerous sources that it’s there. Any minor act by the man is then seen as a result of him being intimidated by you, you read too much into his actions. Some feel the need to constantly remind him that you are a strong woman.
Go calibrate your intimidation-radar. Realize that there are strong men out there as well, maybe even less successful than you, but still are not intimidated by success or strength, but rather applaud it.
Be brave. Just like you take in risk in business and work, take a risk in your love life. If it doesn’t work out, don’t dwell on it, move on and apply the lessons to the next risk.
Learn to receive. Some women find it hard to receive compliments and I’m one of them. If someone pays you a compliment, accept it and say thank you, and believe it, Don’t look for ways to divert it by dismissing it or offering a reciprocal compliment you don’t mean.
Find the balance. There’s a balance that exists between work life and love life, adjust till you find it. While on a date, leave your work cap at home – no office emails or correspondence.
Written by Lagos Match Maker